Episode 63

Ken Mossman - Big Boys Cry


February 24th, 2021

47 mins 8 secs

Your Host

About this Episode

I met Ken almost a decade ago and felt an instant kinship with him.
In addition to being a masterful coach, I admire his capacity as a human being to hold complexity and emotion, as well as his great dedication to working with Men toward greater emotional fluency.

After the events at the Capitol on January 6th, I reached out to Ken seeking comfort and a deeper understanding of what I was witnessing. I felt helpless, triggered, and overwhelmed by the series of events that had unfolded that day and how we got there.

Throughout this episode, I was mightily triggered. I’m grateful for Ken’s steady and compassionate response as we explored the underpinnings of what happened that day and what we can do to start to be part of the change we want to see in the world for the men in our country and our sons.

Ken Mossman has specialized in working with men for almost two decades. With an international clientele from a wide variety of industries from finance, academia, and technology – to entrepreneurship and the arts, Ken’s focus is on helping men expand their emotional literacy, fluency, and flexibility so they can lead with presence and empathy.
Ken is a Senior Faculty Member with CTI, the Co-Active Training Institute. In addition to his coaching and training work, he writes regularly, hosts the “Mojo for the Modern Man” podcast, and designs and leads intensive, deep programs for men.

Show Notes:

  • On January 6th, 2021, Ken's sister contacted him about the siege at the Capitol and the unfolding violence. Ken's reaction to what he saw on the news felt like a “gut punch" and included tension in his neck and jaw along with a sense of “there’s no surprise here” while simultaneously feeling the shock of what was happening.

  • The roots of the events have a larger cultural context that we seem to be in denial about.

  • "We are a nation of good and decent people” seems to be the refrain heard over and over again. Still, the truth is that our nation was built on wobbly legs of genocide, slavery, colonization, and brutality.

  • Many of the images we saw that day are emblematic of toxic white male privilege and gross characterizations of “The Man Box” in cosplay.

  • A population fed on a steady diet of misinformation and a toxic model of white male privilege and feelings of anger and invisibility created the Capitol events that day.

  • One of the Trump administration hallmarks was this idea of “the enemy,” and his language and energy were often about "us or them.”

  • Rage is a culmination of unexpressed anger, hopelessness, and invisibility.

  • Many men in our country lack the relational and communication skills needed to break out of the “man box.”

  • When it comes to raising our children, we need to be mindful of our internal dialog and catch ourselves as parents when we find ourselves triggered by our own unresolved “stuff.”

  • We need to ask ourselves if we are modeling healthy behavior for our children regarding the full range of human emotion. We need to recognize that the language we have to raise boys falls short and creates an environment for rage.

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